To quote the sage wisdom of Dr. Gregory House, everybody lies. It’s generally understood in civilized society that lying is usually wrong and frowned upon, but everyone does it. Distinguishing fact from fiction is a fundamental (IMHO the fundamental) conflict that every person must confront on a day to day basis.
When kids are thrown into the equation though, a whole new mess of circumstances apply. Children usually lack the critical thinking skills to see through most deceptions and they also usually intrinsically trust their parents word since, for lack of a better way to say it, they haven’t been here long enough to figure out what the hell is going on. This makes lying to them much easier. It is my understanding that lying to one’s kids, whether blatantly or through omission, is a common. The reasons for doing so range from parents saving face when they don’t know something, protecting the childrens’ supposed interests and innocence, incentivizing morality and/or obedience, or outright impatience and laziness.
The big three that most children in western societies are exposed to (outside of religion as a whole of course. For the sake of this article I’m focusing on lies that parents themselves know aren’t true) are the tooth fairy, the Easter Bunny, and Santa Claus. My parents broke the mold a bit. They were themselves very religious, but they spared me the deception of St. Nick, even to telling me to just play along when my uncle would call every December pretending to be Santa. Easter and Christmas were always about religion, not marketing symbols (wait a minute…). Granted while the religion behind the holidays is false, I still credit them at least telling me lies that they themselves believed rather than subbing in quick, easy, and socially accepted explanations.
So what I’m asking is this: Did your parents clue you in to the big three or did they string you along for whatever reason such as social cohesion with your peers or whathaveyou? Additionally, if any of our readers themselves have children (or plan to), how are you going to address these?
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4 comments
Lord Scarab says:
September 29, 2009 at 5:24 pm (UTC -8)
Well how does the old saying go? Do as I say and not as I do
Sure my parents lied through their teeth with me but there was (on most occasions) a good reason for it, in hindsight at least. I think for a parent its more a tool to be used in raising a child because if you got the truth 100% of the time I recon you might turn out just a bit pessimistic towards humanity. At the end of the day its all about balance
moJoe says:
September 30, 2009 at 2:24 am (UTC -8)
My parents were wholly traditional in this regard. I caught them out on the tooth fairy pretty early on; I think I was probably in first grade. I was with it for the first couple of teeth–and I don’t remember why–but after that I started asking logistical questions and my mother eventually broke down and told me the truth. I remember well my next two questions:
“And the Easter bunny?”
“Santa?”
Though it pained her, she was straight with me after that.
I think that she was probably more upset then I was. I actually thought myself rather clever for sussing out the truth. The only thing that irked me was that I had been hoodwinked in the first place.
As for my son, my wife and I decided to just be straight with him from the get-go and avoided Santa all together. We attempt to answer all of his question as best we can and I don’t think we’ve come across anything that we’ve been felt compelled to lie about, although I can’t entirely rule out the possibility.
So far things seem to be working out nicely.
Dave says:
November 3, 2009 at 1:38 am (UTC -8)
I have an 8 year old. He thinks Santa is real and we string him along, basically because I remember how magical Christmas was for me at that age. I think if I had known it was just mom and dad piling up the presents under the tree, it wouldn’t have been so exciting. My family was not religious in any shape or form and neither are me or my wife. I do, however, wonder how he will take the deception when he finally puts two and two together. I guess I will have some explaining to do! As an aside, he has come to the conclusion at the ripe old age of eight that God is pure fantasy. I like to think he arrived at this conclusion with minimal input from me. Well, maybe I did drop a hint or two along the way.
Tia says:
November 12, 2009 at 11:12 am (UTC -8)
Christmas is my favorite holiday. Family, togetherness, reaffirming faith in humanity, the spirit of giving, all of it. In my mind Santa Claus is just the embodiment of those things. Though my daughter is only a year and a half old I intend to take her to “meet” Santa at the mall this Christmas. For me it is less about lying to her that there is a real Santa Claus who actually resides at the North Pole and more about encouraging her imagination and goodwill. She is a very smart little girl and I don’t think the myth will last long and that is alright. My hope is that the spirit of Christmas will.